Updated: Dec 7, 2018
You’ve had a difficult journey with many twists and turns. There are days you don’t recognize yourself and want to run away. The mental and emotional turmoil that comes from a difficult marriage cuts deep. It can linger well after the marriage has ended and make it difficult to move on after divorce.
It’s not uncommon to say, “I will never be happy again.” There is, however, a problem with this. The problem is you are stunting your emotional growth at a time when you have great potential. You have an untapped potential that can reinvigorate your entire life in a way that creates the exact outcome you want during this transition.
With the freedom to shape the outcomes you want in life, you can’t start closing doors now. No, seek to explore many doors, because it only takes the one right door to open up your entire world. After a divorce, if you are unsure of how you should progress in life as a single person, consider these points and don’t be afraid to ask for help from a professional.
4 Tips to Help You Move on After Divorce
1. Focus on the best outcome.
What you focus on will surely manifest itself in your life. If you continually focus on your old marriage and how lonely you feel, then your daily experiences will reinforce those negative emotions. Now is not the time to turn inwards and become positive about all things. There is a natural period of grieving the loss, however, if you focus on positive opportunities and being your truest self again, then you can tackle this journey with confidence and excitement.
2. Spend time with people that make you happy.
This is a big one. When it comes to loss, spending time with others you care about can dampen the feeling of loneliness. You may feel the need to isolate and hide from friends, family, and even social media.
It could be the feeling of shame, self-doubt, grief, or anger; if you hold on to those negative emotions alone, they can consume you. Remember, you want to focus on the positive and that means positive people as well. Laughter and love can counter the draining feelings of grief and fear of an unknown future.
3. Restructure your life goals and expectations.
Let’s face it, after a divorce, you’ll realize your plans for your life didn’t pan out as expected. That means it’s time for an adjustment. Notice that I didn’t’ say ‘scrap everything you once held dear and were passionate about.’ Adjusting or restructuring your goals and priorities make it easier to picture yourself as a single adult in the world. After a divorce, you have to be able to see yourself as being happy and successful in the future. In fact, your thoughts (and goals) will dictate the actions you take daily.
Goals give you purpose in the morning, late at night, and throughout the weekends. You will need that motivation during these down times. Don’t sit and ruminate when you can go and recreate the life you deserve. The uncertainty of change is tamed by well-thought-out goals and action plans.
4. Reorganize your daily habits and responsibilities.
There’s nothing worse than straddling your old life and your new life. You have to adjust to living independently again. Learning to be single means cooking dinner, changing your oil, doing the bedtime routine with the kids alone, and paying the bills. When you begin to do things that your ex once did, the separation will feel real and be difficult on a whole other level, but you are capable of handling this change.
You have already restructured your life goals, you have a strong support network of loved ones, and you know that you are deserving of a happy life. Your innate drive to self-improve is waiting just below the surface; waiting for you to activate it.
Divorce and separation take a chunk out of your emotional bank. You have to invest time, mental, and emotional energy into reclaiming your life. With every new step towards freedom and the unknown, you are becoming stronger. You have the freedom to be happy, healthy, and confident in the choices you make. Trust yourself to know what is right for you and your future.